A Toons PSA: "Bola" Fact Sheets - 1-Up.club


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Friday, October 17

A Toons PSA: "Bola" Fact Sheets

Here at Toons, we strive to keep our loyal Loonies up to date and current with all available information. With that simple premise in mind, here is a collection of facts concerning the latest media scare: Bola. After all, not all "Bola"s will kill you. Just most of them will.

  • Math instructors everywhere have solved a number of "bola" problems, while many students still struggle to cope. The general equation y=x2 can be intimidating, if not frightening to those not well practiced with the "para" form of bola.
    For more information on cracking the ParaBolic Equation, see this helpful resource.
    Or this one!
  • Bolas are everywhere. According to WhitePages.com, there are 419 people in the United States with the last name Bola. A very small percentage of those 419 people make up the "E" variety. The following is a breakdown of these "Bola cases" by state:

    175 in California
    77 in New York
    35 in Indiana
    33 in New Jersey
    14 in Ohio
    9 in North Carolina
    8 in Texas
    8 in Michigan
    7 in Illinois
    6 in Nevada
    6 in Florida
    4 in Georgia
    3 in Alaska
    3 in Massachusetts
    3 in Virginia
    3 in Louisiana
    3 in Maine
    3 in Washington
    2 in Hawaii
    2 in Wisconsin
    2 in Arizona
    2 in Pennsylvania
    2 in South Carolina
    1 in Mississippi
    1 in Minnesota
    1 in Maryland
    1 in New Hampshire
    1 in Connecticut
    1 in Colorado
    1 in Tennessee
    1 in Utah
    1 in West Virginia

  • Of course, there are also 950 people in the United States, according to the same site, that go by the first name of "Bola." These cases warrant slightly less concern, however. Unless you live in Maryland where 2 in every 100,000 people suffer from this affliction.
  • Bola, also known as Jello or Darrell Fitton is an electronica musician from the UK and, as such, should probably not be trusted. The first recorded case of this style of Bola occurred in 1994 and was known at the time and forevermore as "Blipsalt." The following is a video documentation of that case:

  • The Bola Volcano in Papau New Guinea is believed to have last erupted only a few hundred years ago, but that's a long time. It's probably due. Consider this one to be dangerous. Also, this particular volcano is also known as Wangore.
    If pronounced /won GORE/, that could be representative of a violent past. However, if the actual pronounciation is /WANG ore/, an even more nefarious past should be suspected.
  • Two bolas together, as in Bola Bola, is not to be feared. That's just a card game. Although if you find yourself invited to play it, you're likely to be conned in short order. 
  • Bolas are also weapons of war. Two balls ("bolas" in Spanish) are affixed to either end of a rope which is then thrown at a target. The "bolas" wrap around the legs or body of the victim, tripping or trapping them in turn.
    Michaelangelo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles used this weapon after some [whiners] complained about his use of Nunchakus. Some may argue that Mikey used a grappling hook, but functionally he often used the weapon as a bola instead of using it as a climbing device.

  • Bola Ties are a fashion accessory that, if worn in "Liberal" environments where fashion sense is a requirement, could result in serious injury. Also known as Shoestring Ties, these ties are found in stereotypical representations of "cowboy" types when they attend formal functions.
  • Bola is a facebook game that likely infuriates users of the site to violent tendencies with its endless invite notifications.
  • And finally, The Battle of Los Angeles, which is commonly referred to as BoLA, is an incredibly badass album released in 1999 by the rap/metal group Rage Against the Machine.

There you have it. We here at Toons hope that this guide will help you to free up any anxiety that you may have been feeling regarding all the talk of Bola that's been going around.

Welcome to  the Weekend!

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